


Disappointments

by 222Ravens



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, brief allusion to dub/con, brief mention of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2012-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-22 19:16:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/222Ravens/pseuds/222Ravens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first and only time John Winchester ever saw one of his sons with another man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disappointments

“You… You ever done this before?” The guy says, halfway through pulling down Dean’s pants in the motel room.

They’re both eighteen, or almost that, anyway, Dean and the other guy (Brian? Yeah, Brian.). Neither of then know each other super well, but they’ve hung out a few times since Dean’s been in town. And hey, why not? Brian was nice enough, and he was actually kind of attractive, all blue eyes and red hair, with a seriously great ass.

 So Dean says, “Yeah, definitely, don’t worry about it.” 

 Which isn’t a total lie, because he’s fooled around a bit with other guys, once or twice. Nothing serious or long lasting, but he doesn’t do long-lasting shit with girls, either, even if he goes for them more often.

 There was also that one thing with that bastard of a motel manager when Dad had been four days late getting back from a hunt, he’d taken the car, they were almost out of money, and the pay phone was broken so they could call Uncle Bobby or Pastor Jim, and he’d…

  But Dean isn’t going to mention that. It’s not like it was all that big of a deal, anyway. Sammy needed to eat those days, so Dean just did a bit of… Creative problem solving, there. Definitely not worth even thinking about anymore.

  And so while he still hadn’t gotten exactly as far as they were planning to today with a guy, he’s no innocent in these matters. So, he abandons helping with the dude’s belt buckle and goes to rummage at the bottom of his toiletries bag for condom and some lube. He doesn’t find any lube, but he figures vaseline will probably do in a pinch.

“And you’re okay with this?” Dean asks, kicking off his boxers and ripping open the condom packet, because he’s not a totally jerk, and he knows it’s polite to ask about shit like this, even if it doesn’t always happen. 

What Brian is about to say next on the manner, however, Dean will never know. Because suddenly the door is getting unlocked, and oh shit fuckity damn, his dad is standing in the doorway.

 A whole mess of thoughts spike through Dean’s head, mostly involving swear words, fear, and wondering why his father just had to come back early from a hunt now, for the first time in god knows how long. 

He can smell the alcohol from here, but unlike his father’s presence in general, this but was. not exactly a shock. It had sounded like a pretty tough hunt, the kind you want to drown the second it’s over with.

So the thing that strikes him most? The look of resigned disgust and disappointment on the face of one John Winchester, an expression that says not so much “I didn’t see this coming!”, as “I should have known…”

Brian lets out a bit of a yelp when the door opens, but fairly quickly clues in about the situation, after hearing a snapped "Get out." A quick sympathetic glance at Dean, and he runs out the door past John Winchester, belt flapping.

Dean’s dad lets him go without so much as a glance, his eyes still fixed on Dean, who is still frozen and blushing in one spot, the condom abandoned in favour of holding his hands awkwardly in front of his dick. 

After the world’s longest ten seconds, all Dean gets is a resigned sigh, and a curt “Get dressed. We’re leaving town soon as we pick up your brother, who is hopefully spending his time a bit better in my absence.”

Dean quickly pulls up his boxers, after snatching them off the floor His shirt is still on, so that’s something, and he starts to grab at his pants, saying “Dad, I…”

His Dad walks further into the room to grab Sammy’s duffel bag off the bed, and turns back to stare at Dean, the same expression tempered with a bit of anger this time, and Dean’s guts squeeze. 

“What, Dean? Weren’t any good girls around? Don’t need to be that desperate, thought I raised you better than that.”

 “Bu...”

“Shut up.” John snaps, swinging the duffel bag around to hit Dean in the stomach. 

 Probably accidentally, Dean figures, and it only unbalanced him a little bit, didn’t knock him off his feet or anything. Not that bad, especially considering how drunk his Dad smells.

 Dean lets the blow glance off, then straightens up, mustering as much dignity as he can in the circumstances, and grabs his own duffel bag off the bed. 

 “Yes sir.”

 His dad sighs, face softening just a little.

“Just.. Don’t be a disappointment, Dean. You deserve better than that. Life of a hunter is hard enough, don’t go and add something that’ll make you more of an outsider, and being a faggot does that better than just about anything. You get my point, Dean? It ain’t what I want for either of my boys, least of all you.”

Even though Dean doesn’t really care or see why it should matter so damn much who he went with… It was a fair enough point, he supposed. More than fair, and a lot better than he was expecting.

So Dean says, “Understood, sir,” and grabbing his own duffel, follows his father out of the motel room. He knows that the subject isn’t going to get brought up again, unless it happens again, which it sure as hell won’t it’s not their style, so it’s done with, basically.

     “Looking out for you on this one, Dean. You'll get that one day, but for now, you're a dumb kid who's thinking with his parts, so trust me.” That last addition probably stings worse than the rest, because it’s true, so true.

     Dad’s never done anything but that, look out for him, and Dean let him down with this, didn’t he? Dad was smarter about that sort of thing that he was ever going to be, and he's talking about this, when they never talk about anything, so must be important, and he'd better listen this time, not screw up on this one, like he screws up everything else.

     He jerks out of his reverie as the elder Winchester finally snaps again with “So get your ass in the car, and shut up. We’re not discussing any of this again, especially not in front of Sammy.”

    So as the door clicks locked behind him, Dean focuses on his Dad’s words, and tries to not feel like he left something behind there that was more than just a tube of vaseline and a ripped condom package.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is just my person headcanon, feel free to disagree with it. 
> 
> It definitely made me strongly uncomfortable writing it, not just because it's the most 'adult' thing I've ever written.
> 
> But Dean has had a harder life than even a lot of the fans like to acknowledge, and John Winchester was an alcoholic, arguably abusive ex-military man, so it seemed like if Dean was in fact bisexual (as there is a great deal of evidence for in the show, but let's not get into that here), then if John ever found out... 
> 
> Well, it would explain a lot.
> 
> Un-beta'd, by the way.


End file.
